Lily Pad Return Policy

If the lily pad catches fire, don't fret; you can always return it to the dime store in the same platinum gift wrap in which you bought it. Don't forget to bring the cellophane receipt or the Men in Black will give you forms to fill out in triplicate, signed in your own blood, first-born child, et cetera, ad nauseam.

Of course, if the cute little man-eating cybernetic frogs at the bottom of the water heater are the real reason for the toilet getting backed up with paint balls, then you'd better call your local chapter of Elvis impersonators before the walls start singing "Kumbayah".

You've ten seconds, so, take your time.