In the lab, there's a hunk of dehydrated sugar under glass pulsing cutely beneath the colorless spotlights. If you look closely enough, you'll see that the seams in the sugar are tiny highways. Riding down those highways are gerbils on unicylces playing accordians. Inside those accordians are pipes stamped from blueprints drawn up by the love child of J. Edgar Hoover and Pippie Longstocking who is — even as we hop around fiddling — taking a nap on a hammock somewhere deep beneath the Arctic (the love child, you fool! not Pippie Longstocking).
So, what to do? Juggling birdseed won't help. Kicking the canola is only marginally more appetizing. May as well conclude that "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and set the alligators loose on the piano. Over and out.