Sunday, June 27, 2004

Killer Chipmunks from Seattle

They only look as if they're flirting with turnips, but beware! Sticking your tongue out at these carriers of bionic rabies will let them know that the jig is up, the market is down, and the baseball is flat. They will wiggle at you in a most menacing manner, they will exfoliate, prognosticate, and then they will slice your ever-so-fragile elephant mandibles right off!

Ignoring them will buy you some time. Flirt with the turnips, yourself; it'll confuse them and make them gibber out the table of contents of the encyclopedia you've got stashed beneath your little toe. Once they're all frothing at the eyeballs, open up a can of Dr. T. Philius Barker's Patented Olde-Fashioned Light-Bulb Fluid & Wallpaper Repellant™.

That'll learn 'em.


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