Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Florescent Critters

You find a room of the Mansion which has no windows.

This room has jars with fireflies in them.  Other jars, alcoves, and chambers in this room have firespiders, fireroaches, firesnakes, fire-eagles, firetrees, firewhales, and firepeople.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pop Music

From the Lexicon.

Pop Music: (noun) chords which have been filtered through talent-less narcissists, poured into tin cans, and pounded rhythmically for several minutes; causes thrashing in children and vomiting in those with taste

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Forest Factory

The Fabricated Forest lies Northeast of the Mansion.  To get there, wrap an oak leaf around a mechanical watch.  Wind up the watch and hold it to your ear as you exit the Mansion in the proper direction.  The ticking of the watch will deepen as you get closer.  The rustling of the leaves above you will match the rhythm of the watch.  You are going in the right direction.

You come upon a door in a hill at the end of the path that you are on.  The sound of gear-work within matches the bass-note ticking of the watch so exactly that you have to cup your hand around the watch to confirm it… and find that the watch has gone dead, the clanking down below is the only sound.

Enter the hill and close the door behind you.

You see the machinery that powers this part of the forest.  Thousands of translucent tubes carry the energetic mist which the leaves have made out of the sunlight.  The tubes thread between the pipes that are the roots of the trees.  Tubes and pipes converge on enormous mixing tanks where tree sap is made and pumped back into the trees.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

<Adjective> Songs Say So Much

The Recording Studio of the Mansion is in the basement.  In order to reach it, you must take a musical instrument.  Play a few notes in your room and at each corner where you must change direction on your way to the basement.  At the bottom of the last flight of stairs, you will see a door with decals of instrument-makers both real and imaginary.  Enter it.

The room which you enter has a microphone, speakers, and other audio recording recording equipment.  Speaking or singing into the microphone will inspire sadness in any listener, no matter what is spoken or sung.  Further inward are doors to other rooms set up similarly, except that they inspire different emotions (happiness, anger, hatred, wistfulness, love, fear, et cetera).

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Boudoir

The Boudoir of the Mansion is on the third floor.  To find it, take a rose from the Garden, kiss the way you kissed your first love, and wear a silk robe as you go from your room up the flight of stairs.

A scented bed, smelling of flowers, lies up against the wall to your left as you enter the room.  On this bed lies the lover of your dreams.  This lover is hazy, a shade, more illusion than flesh.  The longer that you stay in this room, the more substantial reality this lover assumes and the more insubstantial you become yourself.

Eventually, the lover will depart, leaving the room empty.

Friday, September 17, 2010

It’s Either the Wrong Prescription or the Right One

You find a box in the attic.

This box contains a pair of prescription eyeglasses.  Other people appear flawlessly attractive while seen through these glasses.  Looking at one’s own reflection while wearing these glasses will show an ugly and surly person.  The person wearing these glasses will be reluctant to take them off.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

On the Spot

The Spotlight Room is on the second floor of the Mansion.  It’s the same room as the upper dining room except that it only appears when your complexion and hair are at their worst, and your only clean clothes are frayed and ratty.

Your friends and family are gather in pleasant conversation in this room.  On a platform, in a corner, stands a spotlight, positioned so as to have clear sight of the entire room.  Its beam makes others appear glorious when shining upon them, but highlights your every flaw and brings new flaws to the mind of those seeing you.  Your loved ones point to you and laugh at your discomfiture despite your protestations.

Monday, September 13, 2010

One Jar is Worth More Than the Other

You find a box in the attic.

This box contains two jars of skin cream.  Applying the cream of one jar to your skin will remove wrinkles and other evidence of aging.  The cream in the other jar does the opposite.  Lifespan is unaffected.

Friday, September 10, 2010


You find a box in the attic.

This box contains a cup on a stand above lit candle.  The cup holds a “flame” whose tongues are made of water moving as a real flame would move.  Pouring this water into another body of water will cause that body of water to erupt into the same kind of fire-like motion.  This “fire” is endothermic.  When the water cools to freezing, the motion ceases, leaving an ice sculpture of roiling fire.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Try Holding Them in Front of a Mirror

You find a box in the attic.

This box contains several framed panes of glass.  Each one is the size of your head.  Looking into one of them will show a hazy vision of whatever you most fear will happen in the area visible past the glass.  Other framed panes in the box do the same, mutatis mutandis, with regard to anger, sadness, happiness, insanity, et cetera.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Better Than a Psychologist… Or a Torture Chamber

You find a box in the attic.

This box contains carnival and drama masks.  Wearing one of these masks will change your basic temperament to that depicted on the mask.  The effect can only be changed by putting on the mask that matches your original temperament.  If only you could find it…

Friday, September 03, 2010

Cutback on Civil Engineering

On the wall above the bed in the room in which you’re staying hangs a map of the area around your home.  If you draw a line on this map, then a four-lane highway will materialize on the corresponding place on the map within twenty-four hours.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

The Trophy Room

Go to the Hearth Room.  While facing the fireplace, move your class ring from the ring finger of your usual hand to the ring finger of your opposite hand.  Assume the posture of one accepting an award.  Then, turn around and stride confidently out of the Hearth Room and open the first door on the right.

You have entered the Trophy Room.  Trophy cases cover the walls.  A miasma of unendurable anxiety hugs each trophy, preventing approach.  Your fear of failure haunts you yet.